


between the devil and the deep blue sea

by HerBreakingHeart



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Moving On, Pining Keith (Voltron), Post-Canon Fix-It, Post-Season/Series 08 Finale, i love how lance is so ooc because it's canon compliant, says all you need to know about season 8 lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-20 12:06:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17022315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HerBreakingHeart/pseuds/HerBreakingHeart
Summary: Keith felt the shaking of his hands steady and his heartbeat quickened with anticipation. He felt invincible, unbreakable, like he could do anything.Like he could rescue Lance, even if he didn't want to be saved.*Post Season 8, where Keith tries desperately to make Lance realise that his life is worth more than mourning Allura.*





	between the devil and the deep blue sea

Keith landed on Altea, expertly steering his ship to graze onto an empty field. He looked out at the thriving planet, seeing banners with a familiar radiant face plastered on each one. The stone statue standing proud had been surrounded with glowing candles and blossoming juniberry flowers; a reminiscent smile made its way onto his face.

It was the fifth anniversary of Allura's death and the third time he'd been back. The last couple of years he hadn't managed to come due to the overwhelming amount of help that had been needed to aid Olkari back to the way it had been before Honerva's reign. He'd heard from Pidge that Hunk hadn't managed to come those times either, something to do with being halfway across the universe and unable to make it against his demanding schedule. He'd sent a video message to Altea which was more than Keith had managed.

Pidge was the only one Keith had really stayed in contact with over the years. Shiro had seemed to cut off anything space related from his life which apparently included Keith too. He couldn't say it didn't hurt: of course he was happy that Shiro had found happiness after Adam and a content new way of life. But it had seemed so… _rushed,_ all seemingly happening at once after they'd won the battle to end all battles. Keith barely knew Curtis, though he was sure he was a nice enough guy, and yet Shiro seemed satisfied to get hitched and leave everything else behind. Maybe it was the PTSD or something else entirely.

Hunk was similar to himself, the dealings of space and the rest of the galaxy around them becoming a priority in what they did with their lives. They'd crossed paths occasionally across the cosmos and it had been a lovely surprise each time, albeit a muted one.

Pidge liked to message him frequently, still eager to learn about the dealings in outer worlds and catch up with her cryptid partner in crime. Their friendship had stayed the test of time and Keith found he was truly grateful for that.

And that left Lance. The thought of him still struck a broken chord within Keith, a whisper of the past that had been snatched from his future. Whenever Pidge mentioned him, it was as if speaking of tragedy: something you felt awkward and sad about when bringing up in conversation.

_"How… how is he doing?"_

_Pidge looked at him with a knowing sadness, one that made Keith flush with embarrassment at how obvious he was. "He's… um, he's moved to Altea. About a few months ago."_

_Keith's heart got stuck in his throat. He wasn't sure he was breathing anymore. "He- he's what?"_

_"Coran told me when he was giving me updates on Altea's reaction to our new farming system." She paused, her eyebrows knitting together in concern when Keith remained silent, "Apparently he just turned up and since he regularly visits anyway, no one saw it as a massive change. I mean, he's practically one of them anyway right?"_

One of them.

_Keith didn't like to think of when Lance and Allura had kissed one last time, that on its own being enough to painfully twist his heart. But when she'd pulled away and Lance's brown skin had been adorned with glowing, blue marks the same shade as his ocean eyes. She would always be with him now, Keith had thought. He would truly love her forever._

As Keith departed the ship and his feet landed on rich soil, he took a deep breath to prepare himself. Two years it had been. Did Lance even think of him anymore? Did he think back to that last night on Earth they'd shared on Black, watching the sunset together? When they'd clasped hands and Keith had thought his heart would break out of his chest and his resistance to what he wanted more than anything would finally break?

To the bonding moment?

Lance had been smiling at him with such an open happiness and Keith hadn't been able to not smile back. He'd been beautiful in that moment. Keith had fallen in love with him in that moment.

He kept walking up a flight of stone steps, wondering what he would do if he was the first to arrive. Keith looked at the bouquet of flowers he held in his hand, a mixture of purple, pink and blue. He'd lay these down first, he thought to himself. Then maybe go and see Coran…

Ahead of him was the statue of Allura, silver and strong. Tending to the flowers gathered around it was a brown-haired Altean, presumably the gardener. He was arranging the decorations with a careful reverence, sun kissed hands reaching up to touch the marble of the statue with a wavering gentleness.

"Um, excuse me?" Keith started, handing out the bouquet. This person clearly had a passion and it seemed only right for him to let them place the flowers. "I have these for Prin-"

The gardener turned and their bright, blue gaze sent a electric shock through Keith's body.

"Thank you, that's very- oh Keith, hi. How have you been?" Lance said easily, his smile too bright and beautiful for Keith to stand. He was talking to him as if he'd only seen him yesterday, as if it hadn't been _two quiznaking years._

"H-hi." He managed to get out, offering the flowers to Lance's outstretched hand. He couldn't stop staring. Lance was dressed in Altean courtier clothes; his hair was longer and messier which was the first big difference to Keith because _his_ Lance would never be seen with hair less than perfect; those damned Altean marks sparkled in the sun and his constant smile reminded Keith of the ones he used to see in toothpaste commercials.

"It's been a while," Lance continued, taking the flowers from his trembling hand and already starting to arrange them around a bare spot on the statue. "What have you been up to then, Space Ranger?"

"Um, well," Keith coughed, awkwardly clearing his throat. He suddenly felt too hot in his BOM suit against the Altean sun. "Going around the universe, helping people out. Sorry that I haven't been able to visit you recently." _Because I knew you'd rather see a ghost than me._

"You're here now." Lance said and Keith let himself hope in a way he hadn't for a long time. Not when thinking about his times with Voltron, not when watching sunsets, not when Pidge would have that sad look in her eyes when he asked her about Lance. And then, "Me and Allura appreciate it a lot."

_Oh god._ This was worse than he'd feared, then Pidge had made it out to be. He fought back his retort of _Lance, please snap out of it. Please let me help you move on._ "It's nothing, really. I mean, of course." Lance just smiled at him, _that same easy damn smile,_ before gesturing.

"Come on, Coran's setting up food. You're the last to arrive." Keith looked at Lance's hand, remembering how it felt to hold it, to look up as he did and see Lance's comforting grin. It felt so long ago. So impossible that such a moment had ever existed.

He let himself be lead to the dinner, and then throughout the rest of the evening. It was a blur of talking, eating and more talking. About Allura of course, but also how everyone was getting on as well. All the former paladins had managed to come to the fifth anniversary and Keith managed to catch up with Hunk who still had a heart that was big and gold and Shiro, whose hug had meant more to him than he could ever say.

Lance remained distant during those bits and Keith couldn't help but notice the way his gaze would forlornly drift over to a window where Allura's statue was just about visible. It made him feel miserable. And because Keith was just the _best_ at figuring out how to handle his emotions, he took a gulp of the Altean alcohol passed his way every time he felt that ebb of desperation and sadness.

They called it liquid courage for a reason. As the night wore on, Keith felt the shaking of his hands steady and his heartbeat quickened with anticipation. He felt invincible, unbreakable, like he could do anything.

Like he could rescue Lance, even if he didn't want to be saved.

He was out of his chair before he knew it, coming round to Lance's side of the table and whispering in his ear, "Wanna take a walk with me?"

The other man looked up at him in surprise before nodding, getting out of his seat as well. No one noticed them go, too invested in catching up with people they hadn't seen in a long time. Keith was glad; he wasn't sure if he would've been able to go through with his newly formed plan if Pidge had given that sad look again.

They were outside now, walking along a moonlit path, and still nothing else had been said. Lance didn't seem to mind - his blue eyes were gazing at the scenery in wonder, as if he didn't see it everyday now that he lived here. The thought filled Keith with a sour feeling in the pit of his stomach. It prompted him to break the silence, "So, how are you doing? I didn't get to ask before."

Lance turned to him with a smile. He was starting to hate it, the bland _sameness_ of each one. He would've given anything for Lance to make fun of him with a mischievous smirk or an exhilarated grin whenever they trained together. "It's been good. Really good." He sighed softly, "Being able to be where Allura grew up all the time is amazing. I feel closer to her than ever."

"How are _you_ doing?" Keith repeated, a note of frustration escaping in his voice.

Lance seemed to blanch, "I just said-"

"Nevermind." He said quickly, before lowering himself to sit on the riverbank. Lance followed him and their thighs brushed. Keith's pulse skyrocketed.

Lance's voice was a quiet, uncertain thing in the night air. "I feel like you're mad at me but I have no idea why."

Keith exhaled. _Now or never._ "I feel like I don't know you anymore. Like you're a stranger to me."

There was a tense silence before Lance laughed shakily, "Well, it _has_ been awhile."

"That's not it." He took a deep breath, "You've changed. Ever since you went on that date with Allura. More so after she died." At the mention of Allura, Lance flinched and Keith swallowed down his guilt before he could feel it. This conversation was of the utmost necessity. "Lance, what the hell are you even doing here?"

"I'm _honouring_ her." Lance snapped, and the sudden anger in his tone shocked Keith. It was a real, raw emotion. Maybe this was actually working? He turned to the other man whose eyes were wide with hurt, fists clenched defensively at his side. "She sacrificed herself for all of us, Keith. _She saved us!"_ His Altean marks blazed bright as his voice was raised, blinding in their otherworldly beauty before dimming once more.

"I know she did." Keith whispered gently, "And we _all_ miss her, Lance. But… this isn't right. It's not… healthy."

"How is it not?" Lance argued back, not stepping down in the slightest, " _I love her._ I love her more than anything, Keith. And I want to remember her for as long as I can."

_Love. Not loved._ It was as if a part of him didn't even realise she wasn't here anymore: that she wasn't coming back.

"What about your family? The ones you left to come here? Don't you love them?"

Lance's lips were parted in shock at Keith's words and those ocean eyes were beginning to darken and rid themselves of that naive joy. They were starting to look full of shame and a horrified realisation. "I… I couldn't… it was too hard, I…" Tears were starting to stream down his face and Keith couldn't help but be wracked with guilt at causing Lance to break down like this. No one had truly told Lance the truth in so long, had they? And now it was ten times as hard to hear.

"Lance, listen to me." Keith came closer towards him, "It's okay to want to remember someone. But when that compromises everything else in your life that's _not_ a good thing."

"Don't you think I know that?" He sniffed, wiping a hand across his face but the tears wouldn't stop falling despite his efforts. "I loved her for so long, and then I finally had her and… and then she was gone. How am I supposed to handle that, Keith? She was the best thing about me and without her, I'm… I don't know what I'm supposed to live for if she's not here anymore."

His words hit Keith like a slap. He knew about Lance's insecurities, had tried to help him with them the best he could, but even he had no idea they ran this deep. "You live for _you,_ you idiot." He said desperately, unable to help how his hand reached up and touched the side of Lance's face, thumb caressing one of the glowing reminders of Lance's never ending grief. "God, you're _amazing._ Do you know how many people you've helped Lance? How many people's lives you've touched and how much better they are for that? Do you know how incredibly special and astonishing you are?"

Lance gasped and Keith felt it against his own lips like a barely there kiss. It sent a shiver down his spine. "I… Keith…"

"I wouldn't be who I was without you, Lance McClain." Keith murmured truthfully, feeling a weight come off his shoulders at his confession, "I wouldn't know what it was like to have a friend that truly had my back, that I could count on. I wouldn't know what it would be like to want someone to get the happiness they deserve so, so badly. I wouldn't know what it would be like to want to _be_ that happiness."

"Do you mean that? All of that?" Lance whispered and Keith felt his hands come to rest on his shoulders, fingers lightly tangling in his long, black hair.

"Of course I do."

"It's just that…" he took a deep breath, "I've forgot what it's like to have someone remind me I'm worth something. And," he laughed tearfully, "I've missed the mullet-wearing asshole that did that for me everyday." He got closer, impossibly closer, and Keith struggled to breathe when Lance whispered against his mouth, "I've missed you, Keith Kogane."

And before he could respond, a pair of lips were on his, melding together in a perfect embrace. They kissed for what felt like hours but was really only minutes, breathing in each other's air, hands sliding through each other's hair. When they finally pulled away, Lance was grinning, tears on his face, blue eyes alight with something real and honest. He'd never looked more beautiful.

Before Keith's eyes, his Altean marks faded from view. _He's free now. He can move on now._

Beaming uncontrollably, Keith stood up, offering his hand to Lance, "Come on, we need to go."

"Where to, Samurai?" He questioned with a raised eyebrow.

"Out of this damn farm. You like space, right Sharpshooter?"

Lance laughed, and as he took the other man's hand, the years melted away and they were Keith and Lance: braving the universe together once more.

It wouldn't be exactly the same as before, Keith knew as he watched Lance give Allura's statue a last, wavering look as they headed back inside to say goodbye to the others. But it was a start.

And that was much better than nothing.

**Author's Note:**

> So, yeah. I'm extremely bitter if you couldn't tell. I don't want to get into it because it's probably been said a hundred times why season 8 is so fucked up and awful. Instead, I'd like to say, Lance: you deserve the world. Allura: the same goes for you. I'm so, so sorry. 
> 
> hmu on tumblr if you wanna rant or just talk lmao: xxlost-oncerxx
> 
>  
> 
> title is from 'between the devil and the deep blue sea' by XYLO


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